I was at Best Buy by myself (in the ghetto, apparently, judging by what happened next), and these two pole-thin thuggy younger guys with stringy greasy black hair followed me outside to the parking lot and murdered me. I was eight and half months pregnant. So somehow I saw all of the events that followed, the news stories, etc etc, and somehow I got the opportunity to go back in time and change the outcome, so that’s exactly what I did.
So I was at Best Buy again, and I avoided those two thuggy guys like the plague, and went up and talked to a guy who worked there and asked him a question about something. I have no idea what I was there trying to buy. Anyway, so it turns out, THIS guy and his other friend who worked there kidnapped me, shoved me in the trunk of their ghetto car, and took me to their house to murder me and cut my baby out of my tummy and murder it too. (Yeah, this was a very disturbing dream.) So anyway, when we got to the house, I caught a look one of them had on his face like he hated what they were about to do, so I looked at him all sad and pleading and begged him to please, please, PLEASE let me go pee. The meaner guy didn’t want to let me but the other guy convinced him to let me go, that he would guard the door. So I went in the bathroom, peed, called 911, and hiked up my dress (this was definitely a dream, because I NEVER wear dresses) to check the gun I had strapped to my leg to load it. (Yeah, I came prepared this time, just in case. You don’t go back in time after being murdered without learning a thing or two.) So I walked out of the bathroom holding the gun behind my back, moaning about my back hurting. The nicer guy was walking ahead of me and didn’t see it. When we got back to the living room, the other guy lunged at me with a knife, but I pulled the gun out and shot him in the chest before he could get to me. And then I looked at the other guy, who was scared shitless now, and looked back at the guy I just shot, who was still alive, and told him, “You don’t mess with a mama and her baby, mother f*cker.” (I know, CORNIEST LINE EVER, but seriously, this is how the dream went.) And then at this point I heard sirens approaching, and I was happy because I was pretty sure I hadn’t killed the guy (I wanted him to go to jail and get butt-raped and stuff), and I didn’t want to be forced to shoot the nicer one. So the police came in and got the bad guys, and then eventually I got to go home. At this point, I woke up and scooted right up next to Jesse and got all comfy, and then I had to go pee. Sigh. The joys of pregnancy.
